Running With Scissors
by electric gurrl
Summary: He tried to be her cure, and she became his disease. Azula, Zuko, Izumi and the nature of guilt. — Zuko x Azula. O/S.


A/N: **Warning: **There are some unsavory implications about Izumi's parentage, some dark mental illnessy things, and a moderately graphic lemon so read with caution. Also a little bit of femslash (Azula/Ty Lee), but Zuko/Azula-focused.

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**Running With Scissors**

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_"Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does."  
\- Evan Esar -  
_

* * *

"Are you out breath?" Katara asks through her laughter as she watches the Fire Lord chasing an unruly little girl.

Zuko is trying to wrangle Izumi, who dodges him with steps as light as an airbender. It makes Katara's shoulders shake with silent giggles as Zuko shoots her fiery glares. Zuko finally catches his daughter and she falls limp in his arms, going from a wisp of smoke to a bag of rocks in one defiant movement.

"Go bother your aunt," Zuko finally sighs as she plays dead in his arms. "I can't do this."

Izumi grins, inexplicably, and runs off into the palace, still clutching the priceless artifact Zuko was trying to recover from her sticky mitts.

"Azula is actually surprisingly good with her," Katara remarks as Izumi disappears from sight entirely. "I wouldn't have pegged her for loving aunt."

"I wouldn't either," Zuko replies with a shrug. His voice cracks with slight discomfort and Katara wonders why. "She's the closest thing to a mother that Izumi has, really."

"It seems good for her," Katara admits, pausing. "I think it's wonderful of you that you helped Azula so much. I mean, that's a belated statement, I know. But seeing her with Izumi just makes me think... most people wouldn't devote so much of their time to help somebody who hurt them so much."

"It's complicated," Zuko says uncomfortably and Katara does not quite understand.

_Devote so much time to Azula_. Which Zuko did, which made him slowly break away. The moment she was reclaimed, broken and wounded and even worse than before, he knew he had so much to make up for. To overcompensate. The more Zuko looked for her, the more he realized he had a sworn duty to help her recover.

He owes her that much, despite their differences. And so he suffered through the terrible years that were Azula fighting his every effort to help her. Fighting him.

And then Izumi. And then Izumi.

[X]

"Did you send that little monster after me?" Azula demands as the midnight lamp burns down, dripping and growing close to fizzling out.

Her tone is scathing but her rosy lips are contorted into a small smile. Zuko looks up from the sofa where he is working, to see her leaning against the wall of his office. The lamplight illuminates quite clearly the fact that her choice of pajamas is sheer.

His eyes linger on her and she seems to like it. He has figured out it gives her a cheap power rush, and that is what Azula thrives on these years after the comet.

These years after he recaptured her and she fought and fought until one day she gave in. And then they took her recovery one step at a time. And then several steps too far. He has no regrets. Even when Izumi asks about her mother and begs to meet her and Zuko makes up stories about a woman who does not exist, he does not regret a single thing.

Maybe that makes him fucked up. Maybe he has a right to be fucked up, after all he has gone through.

"Yes," Zuko says with a small smirk. "I mean, you're _Princess Azula the Conqueror_, I'm sure you can handle a toddler."

"That toddler whips up more destruction than an entire platoon of earthbenders," Azula murmurs to herself and Zuko just shrugs. She _does _have a point.

Azula looks about to say something, and then she changes her mind. Zuko contemplates prying, but he knows that will get him nowhere. In their family, talking about feelings is unheard of, and asking about other people's business is beyond frowned upon.

She sits down beside her brother and he tries to ignore the uncomfortable heat from her bare skin brushing against his hand. Azula picks up his fingers before he can stop her, and he unsure if he would prevent it, given the chance.

"She said she wanted to be just like me," Azula admits, although it seems to pain her.

"Uh-huh?" is all Zuko can summon in response.

"I have no idea why the fuck she would think that," Azula says sharply and Zuko's eyes flicker in surprise.

Azula has an ego larger than the Earth Kingdom, even in her bouts of self loathing. He would imagine she would be flattered that Izumi would want to be like her. Most of what she does with his daughter is trying to mold her into the kind of Fire Lord Azula would be.

"She admires you. I don't know why she wouldn't," Zuko says and Azula scoffs.

"Stop being so _kind_," Azula snarls and Zuko breathes in sharply. He does not think he will ever manage to understand her. "It's repulsive."

Pause.

Azula decides to change the topic from Izumi. Her statement made her seem weak and vulnerable, and she regrets it. Even if it is just she and Zuko, as usual. She and her brother, locked away together, haunting a palace. Zuko breaking off ties and reverting into her, into Azula's web and getting stuck there completely willingly.

She likes it. It gives her a cheap thrill of a power rush.

"So, your Water slut girlfriend spent a lot of time here..." Azula purrs, cocking an eyebrow.

"She's not my girlfriend. She's my best friend's wife," Zuko says sharply. She likes him when he is defensive and flustered instead of this _dignified _Fire Lord he has grown up to be.

"And why don't you have a wife? The sweet single father Fire Lord must get plenty of requests for dates," Azula murmurs, as she sets his hand on the inside of her thigh. "Oh... right, he's too busy fucking his psycho little sister behind closed doors to think about a real relationship."

Zuko tries to pull away, clenching his jaw., but she always has moved more quickly. Her fingers touch his neck, resting there for a moment. It makes his heart rate quicken, whether he likes it or not. Her lips touch his and he feels the twisting guilt already spreading within him. There is no longer the protest of, _"We shouldn't be doing this," _although maybe there should be. When he used to say that, it was more of a disclaimer. Perhaps he thought if he said it, it would detach him from the reality of his relationship with Azula, and the destructive force it is.

She pulls herself onto his lap as he draws her closer. It is slow, and vaguely melancholy, but still with a burning, searing heat. Fingers straying to craving places, forgetting. Zuko digs his hand deeper into her back and crushes his lips to hers fiercely. She sinks into it, trailing her fingers along the inside of his thigh.

Her hips grind against him and he completely and utterly forgets every reservation he has about this. The inhibitions do fade far too quickly, and Zuko feels like a despicable monster for it. For the hungry kisses instead of being her _brother_.

Azula does not think for a split second about this being negative. Maybe it is just how she is, or the fact that she is proud to be morally bankrupt and has no intention of gaining a conscience. She can feel how hard he is through his pants, against her.

His fingers trace the curves of her body through the soft, sheer silk over her. A moan, swallowed by his lips moving to press against hers again.

She slips off her clothes without breaking the moment, without giving him too much time to think, because, as Azula has learned in five years of this relationship, letting Zuko contemplate the consequences and implications of bedding his sister never works out well for her own desires.

The arousal is powerful, and Azula feels powerful. He palms her breasts, not nearly as hesitant as he once was. Things have changed greatly since the first time, or those shortly after.

Her fingers move to his pants as she whispers into his ear, "_Those _need to come off."

And of course her brother obliges. This sex started as being about power to Azula, and sometimes it still is. Something about _that _makes it more satisfying than her healthier affairs. He tried so hard to be her cure, but it only trapped him in this eternal dance of poisoning each other.

He removes his shirt, albeit more distracted by her body than thinking much about his. And as his lips touch her shoulder, she can feel him enter her inch by inch, before things become much, much less hesitant and gentle.

[X]

"She asked me on a date," Azula murmurs as they are lying there together.

"Who?" Zuko asks, eyes flickering.

"Ty Lee. I don't know why I'd say no," Azula says, enjoying the look of betrayal in his eyes. It pleases her. She needs control. Azula _needs _control and she cannot let Zuko overpower her.

"I don't..."

"You don't want me to? Well, ZuZu, you're not my father. I can do as I please."

She leaves him there, confused, deeper into her claws.

Zuko does not ever know what to make of it. He knows he should not think too hard about something fucked up like this, and if Azula were to move on, he would be so much happier. It would give her something healthy in her life, and they could part ways and untangle from each other.

But another part of him that he is very afraid of does not want her to even look at anyone but him. That is the terrifying thing.

Jealousy. Love is jealous, manipulative and greedy. So maybe he and Azula do love each other, after all.

[X]

Azula wakes up alone. Of course she does. She lies in bed for a while, drinking in the sunlight pouring through her bedroom window and the warm morning breeze. The princess always has liked to sleep with the window open.

She gets up and walks through the halls, wrapping a robe around herself. And she is glad she bothered to apply make-up when she sees the Water Peasant sitting across from Zuko at the table. They are laughing and Azula thinks it is no wonder that people assume they are more than friends.

It fills her with a violent bile of hatred that she has grown unfamiliar with. Over the years, Azula has become detached and icy. It is the only way she has managed to protect herself from her crumbling life and shattered mind. But now she burns with anger.

"I thought that summit was over?" Azula says, announcing herself. Zuko swallows and nearly chokes and Katara eyes him with the same scrutiny she has over the past few days. "Why are you in my home, Water Tribe?"

"Aang is staying in the Fire Nation a while. I haven't seen Zuko for more than two hours in three years. I thought we could catch up," Katara says with a warmth in her tone that makes Azula barely refrain from electrocuting her.

Is that... that is pathetic. Is Azula, Princess Azula, Conqueror of Ba Sing Se, so possessive over her brother that she feels this level of jealousy? It is sickening.

"Catch up sexually or catch up _more _sexually?" Azula snaps and Zuko inhales sharply. Katara holds her tongue, not wanting to waste her breath on Azula's scathing remarks. "Well, you two enjoy that. I think I might take up someone on an offer. I have some catching up to do of my own."

Zuko's eyes flash. That satiates Azula more than she thought it would. She may be jealous, but he is worse.

Azula has already gone to get dressed.

[X]

"Azula?" stammers the voice of a girl who is quite stunned that the princess has just invited herself into the small hotel room.

"I want to take you up on that date," Azula murmurs, touching Ty Lee's waist and crushing their lips together. The acrobat breathes in slowly, stunned.

Azula is painful to her. The relationship is not balanced, healthy or wise. And the princess is the most hot and cold person Ty Lee has ever been with. But when she finds herself in the Fire Nation, why not cave in? She _does _think she and Azula have a future, even if that is incredibly deluded at this point.

She and Ty Lee wind up by the pier, holding hands. Azula listens, although she wants to tear her ears out and throw Ty Lee into the ocean. But that would be ridiculous. She loved Ty Lee for a long, long time. Since they were children and she should be happy to pursue the only healthy relationship she will likely get.

Zuko already lost Mai. Azula can't let that happen to herself. Her father used to tell her never to be Zuko, to not fuck up like him, to the point of torturing her when she did things that reminded him of Zuko. It... stuck, even if Azula wishes it would not have.

Then again, it is solely because of father that Azula seduced her brother in the first place. And... it got messy. Too messy.

"I was thinking you would maybe want to go on a trip," Ty Lee says and Azula suddenly is much more focused. "My Aunt left me her house by Sondai and it's, uh, just us, then."

"In... the Earth Kingdom." Azula does not know why the thought of that makes her heart thump. Being separate from Zuko and Izumi should not bother her as much as the thought does. She is... this is... this is out of hand.

Izumi is her niece. Izumi is her niece. Izumi is _not _hers. Not. Not. Azula does not owe her motherhood or omnipresence. Since Azula is _not _Izumi's mother, it would not be like Ursa to abandon her or favor someone else. Right?

The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

"Yes. It wouldn't be for too long. Maybe a month or two?" Ty Lee offers, batting her big eyes. Azula tries to look normal, composed, like herself. She thinks it works, or perhaps Ty Lee is just oblivious.

"I don't really want to leave the Fire Nation. I mean, I don't think I'm legally allowed to leave," Azula purrs, trying to sound annoyed by the situation.

Ty Lee drops Azula's hand.

"You don't want to leave Zuko. You and him have just kind of... confined yourself to each other," Ty Lee says and Azula swallows. Ty Lee cannot possibly be astute enough to have guessed. "I'd like to see you more, though. We talked about being together and I still would be open to that... when you're ready."

Ty Lee tries to ignore the accusations Mai made about Azula and Zuko. Because they could not be true. Azula would not do that, and Ty Lee is sure of it. She is just... something about Zuko helping her heal after her breakdown. A sibling bond. Not what Mai says. Not what Mai says.

"I don't care about Zuko in the slightest. We simply have a common goal," Azula says sharply and Ty Lee wonders why her pallid cheeks are so flushed. "We want to make our family how it used to be before everything happened that tore it apart. It's worth my while."

"That's nice," Ty Lee says gently. "I'm not just saying that. I think that's probably the healthiest thing you've ever been doing in your life."

Ty Lee swallows the words she wants to say. _"I want to be a part of your family. We could have that."_

But Azula returns less and less of Ty Lee's interest every time she sees her, and the occasions get rarer and rarer.

Azula rebuilding her family with Zuko is a nice idea, but it has ripped Azula away, and Ty Lee does not think she can bring her back. Azula's fear of being like Ursa to Izumi only confirms what Ty Lee did not want to believe.

Well, we all have our obsessions. At least Azula's is focused on her recovery and the well being of a child. It is much better than the Azula who liked to kill and destroy, Ty Lee supposes, if unnerving.

Ty Lee kisses her and Azula does not seem to enjoy it as much as she used to.

They linger for a while, lips beating against each other, until they are interrupted by a city guard.

"Princess," he says and she turns, her eyes flashing. Ty Lee's arm is around her waist. "The Crown Princess is in the hospital and Fire Lord Zuko asked for your presence."

Panic. Azula grabs Ty Lee and they are gone.

The whole way, Azula's thoughts swirl with the possibility that this happened to Izumi because she contemplated leaving with Ty Lee. That she is making out in the pier instead of with the little girl. It is ridiculous, she _knows _it is ridiculous, but it is it not as if her mind has ever respected reason or logic.

Azula and Ty Lee arrive at the hospital, and Ty Lee is not at all disappointed that her date did not follow through, even though Azula's expression is troubling. She holds Azula's hand as they pass the royal guards dressed in gold and rouge armor, and find Zuko beside Izumi, who is curled in a hospital bed, her chest rising and falling gently as she sleeps.

Zuko expects Azula to demand where Katara is, but she breaks free of Ty Lee and sits down on the hospital bed. Her hand touches Izumi's and Ty Lee watches for a moment, smiling faintly. It makes her want to have children with Azula, which then she quickly quenches with a reminder that it will probably never happen.

"Is she going to be okay?" Azula asks. Her tone is not distressed or concerned; it is as cold and clinical as usual. But there is a hint of tenderness in her voice, if you know her well enough.

"Yes," Zuko says, nodding. They exchange a glance that Ty Lee thinks she understands, but likely does not.

The acrobat kisses Azula's cheek. Zuko feels his gut twist with jealousy.

Ty Lee whispers something about she and Azula's possible future children, and Azula bites her lip. Zuko watches and inhales sharply as he tries to focus on making sure his daughter is okay. Why would he be jealous? He should be happy for her. This is the right thing. Sex with her is the wrong thing. Being possessive of each other is fucked up in more ways than one.

Azula sits with Izumi all night and day, until she is able to come home from the hospital. Izumi sleeps again in Azula's arms as she carries her to her room and puts her to sleep, as no one is quite sure what happened.

Izumi never knew her mother, but Azula was the closest thing she ever had. And if Azula has it her way, Izumi will never know her mother. Because it is not the kind of thing a child should ever learn.

Zuko waits for his sister, not sure what to expect. He meant to be her cure, and she became his disease. But it is an affliction he has a sick taste for, and he does not want that to change.

Azula kisses him and he wishes he did not crave it so much. As he walks her to her room, she slips inside and he hesitantly follows, although he stands back and contemplates what he's doing.

"You should be with her," Zuko says and Azula sighs and rolls her eyes as she sits down on her mattress. "What? She clearly loves you. Don't get in so deep with this. I wish... this is sick."

"No one is forcing either of us to do this," Azula purrs with a small, careless shrug. "Your problem is the _guilt_. Always _guilty _about something. Most of the time, there is nothing to be ashamed of."

He picks at his fingers, peeling off skin and cuticles without feeling pain. Azula watches him, propped on the bed, an invitation Zuko is not sure if he should take. Seeing her with Ty Lee, seeing her possibly able to be happy with something other than _this_, something not so fucked up and rooted in abuse.

"Guilt is a good thing," Zuko says. "It means you're human."

Azula just smirks, as if that is funny. "Guilt is a destructive and absolutely pointless emotion. I don't think I even know what it feels like."

But Azula does know what it feels like, because today she _thought _for a moment about leaving Izumi, and then instantly blamed her _thoughts _for Izumi falling off of a tree she tried to climb and getting hurt. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Flat fucking crazy those royals.

"Do you think this is wrong?" Zuko asks quietly, thinking of how she needed _help_, and the first thing he did was go to bed with her. And how it just spiraled from there, darker, and darker and deeper. Until Izumi, until he and Azula agreed they had a common interest other than the mental recovery that Azula resisted at all costs.

"I've never been very good at the difference between right and wrong," Azula purrs, starting to remove her clothes. "Why don't you tell me?"

Zuko hesitates. He swallows his guilt. And he joins her in her bed.

If this is a disease, Zuko never wants to get well.

**e**nd


End file.
